I’ll never forget the time when I was investigating the Church, during Sacrament Meeting, when this sweet 8 or 9-year-old girl arose up onto the stage and stood by the piano. She held up to her chin a violin and proceeding to play. I was struck with amazement. For I have never seen or heard anything like this before. She played beautifully to the degree that when she finished, I immediately stood up with a Wo-hoo!, That was Great!, and about three claps – only to hear my applause echo back to me with about 100 stares. I had no clue that you were not suppose to clap during Sunday meetings. I was raised up to applaud when you were impressed with a performance, even at church – well, not this Church! I slunk back down onto the pew, hoping to hide under it. Later, a smiling member came up to me and patted me on the shoulder saying, “Dane, I honestly can’t remember actually seeing a black man blush until now.”
Thirty-something years have passed. I am married to a woman whose parents did all the work, the kids (my wife and her brother) wanted for nothing. If they talked back to their parents, the worst that they would get is a “go to your room”. I grew up where we 6 kids did all the work. We always were wanting. If we talked back to our parents, I probably wouldn’t be here today writing this blog. My wife’s difference in raising children obviously clashed with mine. I was convinced my way of “walk softly, but carry a big stick” was the way to go. She held on to her perception of “walk loudly, and hope that that sticks”. about raising kids. To settle the score, we took marriage classes at school to help settle the differences. Under my breath, I self-righteously whispered to myself, “she’ll see that I’m right. The lessons we’ll learn from school will back me up.” I was certain that I was correct because culture has taught me, other members, tradition, El-Hi schooling, TV, and even my interpretation of the scriptures. Instead, we were both wrong. We were both taught a more convincingly a better way to parent. I slinked back down under the proverbial pew.
Recently, I was assigned to read from H.W. Goddard’s “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage”. In the back of my head I kept thinking, “What am I doing wrong this time?” Sure enough, in typifying marriage to the Law of Consecration, Goddard said, “Consecration has everything to do with marriage. It is much more than “staying for the kids.” It is acting to redeem our partners and our covenants with everything we have and everything we may draw from Heaven. We do all of this in order to establish Zion in our homes.” (p. 104) In fact, that whole chapter, I believe, was writing about me, especially the part that said, “…the natural spouse is an enemy to marriage.” Who would have thought that a natural person, who is just wanting some happiness, would be an enemy to marriage?
While I mused on that point, I thought about a light bulb, if it doesn’t give us it’s total commitment, it does us no good. I get it. I’m more concerned with the fact that I am again and again relearning the correct way of being, or in other words, becoming like the Savior, who “drank the bitter cup” and sacrificed his happiness for all of our happiness. I thought I was doing the right things all along. Who’s standing at the crossroads of my life, to show me the better way? Perhaps I need to realize that if there’s someone standing at the crossroads, he or she may be in the same predicament as I am. Perhaps I’ll do something more novel, like reading the posted signs. Meanwhile, I’ll just slink back down under the proverbial pew and hang there for awhile. I spot a gum wad stuck underneath, I wonder if it still has any flavor left in it.
References
Goddard, H. W. 2009. Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Joymap Publishing. Cedar Hills, UT. Consecration. p. 104-105.
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